Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
