I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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