I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
