I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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