Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We need to get me chipped asap
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
