this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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