my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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