Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
