big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
