What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
