I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize