Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
