I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
