I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
