You can't special order awesome
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
