garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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