Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
