she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
