Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
