I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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