You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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