he told me I talked like a deaf person
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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