Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i dont even know how to be here
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
