I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
