True but thats because hes a fetus.
you would pick up someone in the library
Is it because I queefed?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
