I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
