if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
