Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
