I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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