I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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