I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
