Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
