WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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