pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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