matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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