finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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