At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
