if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
