I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
