Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
