This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
