i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize