I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
