Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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