I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
