1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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