he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
