i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
