Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
