So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
