btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
