this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
