So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
