The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize