I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
