When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
