Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
