You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
