if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
