So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
