they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
