M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
