Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
