ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
