Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
